Nurse, Vegan, Private Eye — A New Mystery Novel by M.E. Welman (my wife!).

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Gretchen Wickstrom feels a real nasty gloom cast over her life at the moment–and with good reason. Her best friend’s step father, Uncle Carl, has been run over the night he borrowed Gretchen’s car. Some incredibly enterprising thieves have stolen her identity and run up $107,000 worth of credit card bills–all in two months. And her condo has been vandalized beyond recognition with everything she owned, destroyed.

Someone, it seems, has it out for Gretchen.

The question of who’s been behind this becomes painfully clear when she and best friend, and former Sheriff’s deputy, Genevieve-Marie, stumble onto the carefully laid plan that will see Gretchen and her father dead in their graves.

The people behind three unsolved murders involving greed, extortion, blackmail and sex are much closer than Gretchen could have ever imagined.

Free for Amazon Prime subscribers.

Enjoy.

A plant-based guy’s 4th of July picnic survival guide.

Posted on Leave a commentPosted in OFF TOPIC, Vegtosterone Blog
I have the power!
I have the power!

If you’re like us, like most guys, you want control. Like most guys, however,  you usually feel out of control, which is why most men cling to the last remnant of control they may have in their home — the remote control.

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Mine.

For plant-eating guys, getting control of your diet is particularly hard when you’re at work, on the road or socializing with workmates and friends at the local sports / chicken-wing bar. This is essentially what your 4th of July will be like (without the scantily clad waitress) if you’re lucky enough to be invited to a picnic that will no doubt feature a variety of dead animals on a grill.

So, here are a few quick tips to help you take control of the situation. Take you’re own remote control– as a reminder of your will!

1. Eat before you go. Duh! That way you can just walk around drinking a beer and eating a few potato chips. Hell, there may even be crudities from Costco. Just avoid the Ranch dip.

2. Eye-up the side dishes. Take a quick glance around the side dishes and plan accordingly. Do this with a beer in your hand–you will look more in control. Make mental notes of the fruit salads and other veggie-based sides. Most all potato and pasta salads are mayonnaise laden, so watch out.  By the way, since you’re ONLY going to eat the side dishes and most everyone else will grab a burger or a hot dog, you’ll have the first dibs on side dishes, so you can get them before the flies do.

3. Bring your own beer. While we don’t advocate bringing your own FOOD to someone’s picnic (or party), because it’s just so annoying; we do recommend bringing your own beer or malted beverage of choice. Not because you won’t be able to find a plant-friendly beer at the picnic (most are), but because if you bring you’re own, you’re likely not to drink as much. I like stouts, although apparently Guinness is a problem. Because stouts have fewer calories and alcohol; you can nurse them a long-while because they don’t have to be ice cold to enjoy; and few other people will want to drink your beer because of that. You are, after all, an interesting kind of guy.  At any rate, don’t get drunk because you probably drove there, and when you’re drunk, your inner carnivore will emerge and you’ll break down and have a hot dog by rationalizing that most of it is not really meat.

4. Pump some weights before you go.  Eventually, someone will notice you’re not eating any of the grilled items, and you’ll have to admit that you either ate before you arrived (which will be deemed as very rude); or you’ll simply tell them, you don’t eat meat, you’re a vegan, you’re a vegetarian, you only eat plants…whatever you want to say. If you choose the latter, you’ll no doubt get suspicious looks and the best way to ward those off is to look good! All of sudden, everyone’s wife will start asking you to tell their husband about it.

Happy Fourth.

New Mexico plant moves one step closer to legally slaughtering horses for human consumption. Mr. Ed not pleased.

Posted on Leave a commentPosted in OFF TOPIC, Uncategorized, Vegtosterone Blog
Photo found at nndb.com.
Photo found at nndb.com.

In response to the news that a plant in New Mexico that will slaughter horses to produce meat for human consumption has moved  a step closer to legal operation, famed television personality Mr. Ed and his side-kick Wilbur have come out of retirement to discuss the news.

Wilbur: I take it you have something to say.

Ed: As we all know, I don’t yakity yak a streak, wasting the time of day.

Wilbur: Sounds like a theme song.

Ed: What’s up with you humans wanting to slaughter us horses again?

Wilbur: Well, Ed, I’m not really sure why people want to eat horses. I mean, you know I don’t eat horse meat.

Ed: Don’t you humans have enough dead animals with your breeding and slaughtering of cows, pigs and chickens? Did you know chickens outnumber you people three to one? And you humans have bred so many cows that there’s 1.4 billion of them around–eating food and drinking water you humans should? Forget the cesspool of contaminated water slaughterhouses leave behind. Can’t get that back.

Wilbur: I didn’t know that.

Ed: Of course, you didn’t, too busy thinking how to kill off and eat my species now.

Wilbur: I’m not thinking that Wilbur.

Ed: Haven’t we been good to you humans? Prancing around in fancy saddles, acting in television shows, jumping over ridiculous fake hedges, racing around stupid tracks–all for your entertainment. What do we get for it? You sell wild horses for $10 a head so that some private slaughterhouse can make money from the taxpayer? The taxpayer has no idea how they’re subsidizing private cattle ranchers and slaughterhouses–none.

Wilbur: I had no idea.

Ed: Obviously. Pay attention, Wilbur. You fill our bodies with god knows what to fatten us up, like you do those cows and pigs, then you inject us with all kinds of drugs like anti-anxiety medicines because we know we’re being sent off to be murdered, and then you eat us. Newsflash: You people are fat and sick enough already.

Wilbur: It’s not my idea, Wilbur, honestly. I’m not for this.

Ed:  You know what I am, Wilbur?

Wilbur: A horse?

Ed: Of course. I am not your dinner. Checkmate.